The Adventures of SuperGoodyGoody
by This Is SportsCenter
Summary: Not a parody. I repeat, this is NOT a parody. A masked superhero comes to P.S. 118 to defend truth, justice, yada, yada, yada. Is it Arnold? Lila? Someone else? The only way to find out is to read it...


It all began with a bet. A simple bet at a lunch table.  
  
No, no, wait. Actually it began with a statement. A simple statement at a...  
  
No... hmm.  
  
Forget it.  
  
"...I couldn't just leave the poor thing lying there, cold and alone, so I took it in and nursed it to health. It may have taken up most of my Christmas vacation, but that doesn't matter to me. All that matters is that little Rover can run around happily again. And besides, I got the greatest present of all. The gift of--"  
  
At this point, Helga Pataki was already on the verge of losing her lunch.  
  
Literally.  
  
Not her lunch. More like her lunch money. She had incurred the wrath of Big Patty (who had decided to regress into her previous "bully" state just for the purposes of this fanfic).  
  
Now Patty had Helga upside down and was shaking her down.  
  
Then. Suddenly. Out of the blue.  
  
SuperGoodyGoody flew to the scene, dressed in the SuperGoodyGoody trademark black-and-gold tights!  
  
"Stop everything you're doing at once!"  
  
"Huh? Who are you?"  
  
"I'm SuperGoodyGoody! Sworn to protect truth, justice, and... something else! Now, unless you would like to be destroyed by my Ears of Wrath, you will put the girl down!"  
  
"Ears of wrath?"  
  
Everyone began a fit of uproarious laughter.  
  
"What is this? Laughter? Oh, I see. You all think that I'm a big joke!"  
  
"Well you certainly look like one." Rhonda commented while putting on her lipstick.  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
SuperGoodyGoody mustered the Ears of Wrath, his most dangerous power. His ears took on a werewolf like transformation, turning extremely pointy within seconds. And then, they arched in the direction of SuperGoodyGoody's assailant. Rhonda Lloyd. And then...  
  
Laser beams of doom began to shoot from the points, headed straight for poor Rhonda. And then...  
  
We'll leave out the gory details.  
  
Rhonda let out a scream.  
  
"My FACE! AHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
The laser beams of doom had caused Rhonda's hand to smear lipstick all over her face, making her look completely ridiculous.  
  
Everyone began a fit of uproarious laughter. This time at Rhonda, who started crying and ran from the room.  
  
"I would like to apologize for my actions. You see... that wasn't SuperGoodyGoody. That was... Marvin. My evil other personality. He likes to come out when I'm agitated and cause trouble. SuperGoodyGoody would NEVER do something like that!"  
  
"Yeah, whatever. I thought you were here to save me." Helga reminded the superhero.  
  
"Ah yes. I forgot." SuperGoodyGoody whirled around to Big Patty.  
  
"You've already seen an example of my power. So I think you'll know enough now to put the girl down!"  
  
"Or what? You'll smear lipstick all over my face?"  
  
Patty shook Helga even harder. It worked to her advantage, however. A one hundred dollar bill fell out of Helga's pocket.  
  
"Alright!" Patty exclaimed (still in her deadpan, emotionless voice despite the exclamation point and the adjective 'exclaimed').  
  
Patty dropped Helga on her head, knocking her out cold, and bent down to pick up the unexplained one hundred dollar bill.  
  
At this, SuperGoodyGoody made his move. The superhero used his Ears of Wrath to quell the threat of Big Patty.  
  
In a move both scary and effective, SuperGoodyGoody's Ears of Wrath transformed Big Patty in less than a millicentinanosecond. With power only SuperGoodyGoody could muster, Big Patty was suddenly changed into... (CREEPY MUSIC) the stereotypical definition of a teenybopper!  
  
She looked down in horror. She was dressed in a matching blouse and mini- skirt! Her fingernails were painted with glitter! SuperGoodyGoody provided her with a mirror.  
  
The final insult!  
  
She was wearing makeup! And lipstick! And her hair had blonde highlights! Her worst nightmare had come true!  
  
She ran screaming from the cafeteria.  
  
With a wave of the SuperGoodyGoody 'Good Hands, presented by AllState', the superhero revived Helga.  
  
"You saved me, SuperGoodyGoody." Helga said, deadpan, obviously bored, and wondering how she got tied into this inane spin-off.  
  
"With more feeling!" The producer yelled from off the stage.  
  
"Oh... sorry. You saved me, SuperGoodyGoody!"  
  
"Well, it's all in a day's work, Helga."  
  
SuperGoodyGoody stared into Helga's eyes. His eyes were so... good. Hence the name SuperGoodyGoody. Helga began to wonder. Who could this SuperGoodyGoody be? Maybe it was... someone she knew.  
  
Or maybe it was a thirty-something pervert.  
  
But Helga liked the 'someone she knew' part better.  
  
End of Part One  
  
Coming up... SuperGoodyGoody does more good! Even if that means smearing lipstick all over Rhonda's face. 


End file.
